It's been a while since my last entry, sorry about that. Shit hit the fan, and then i had to clean it all up because it stunk. So much shit, everywhere. All tidy now, and the broom and mop are back in the closet, ready if another mess happens. For now, things are calm, and peaceful, and i'm feeling a wee bit better every day that passes.
So it's been ten days since i last updated things.... feels longer, and feels like more has happened. I've been on vacation for a week, boss recommended which is sad. I was reaching my boiling point, with clumps of hair falling out (still is), shaking physically, eyes twitching, not eating, the whole nine yards. So vacation it is. Today is my last day too, which sucks. I needed this week off from my life. Just 10 days of quiet, and doing nothing at all.
I visited my mom, and Ally and Jack and the kids, and saw my friend Tara (name changed for privacy) whom i truly enjoyed seeing after five months! We sat at a Starbucks, and what i intended to be a quick chat cuz i was exhausted, turned into almost two hours of constant banter and dishing and awesome conversation. That was so nice, and it was so nice to see her again :)
I went to a beach bonfire, with friends.... seeing the ex there, even though i only dated him for 5 seconds, i still consider him an ex cuz we made out some, and shared intimate details with each other.... ex but not an ex.... it's weird seeing him around now. There's little looks, and awkward waves, and i wish i could go back and not have dated him so it's not all fuckin weird and shit now. Whatever.... it is what it is. The fire was so nice, and i got to chat with Jack's sister Marla and her bestest friend ever Tasha, and we blabbered on and on and laughed and told stories about the heart aches we've endured, and it was just really great.
I wished Jeff had shown up.... i'm so nervous about meeting him, but i do want to meet him very much. He too is very nervous, and we're both terrified of being hurt again, because we've both crawled out from a horrific train wreck, and never wanna ride a train again. Anyway, i wished he would come out, but at least he talked to me all night while i was there. We talk every day, which is nice. Today he texted me first thing, to say good morning of course, and to inform me that he called in sick, that the power was out from a storm, and that this is not acceptable, because he wanted to build stuff in the garage, hahaa. It was actually pretty cute:) He also shaved off his goatee, which i do not care for, but whatever... he also stated he regrets the shit out of it, so that means it's being grown back, thank GOD. Can't have two sleeves of tattoos, chestpiece, and neck, kickass black glasses, and the whole damn badass look..... and no goatee/beard. Or can you? Hmmm.... now i'm gonna grow a beard and find out. Lol.... I will meet soon, and i hope it's as great as it has been this past 5 weeks. :) I'm willing to wait it out, and go slow to not rush a good thing.... and to not get too attached too quickly. It's a losing battle.... ugh....
What else what else...
I am dreading work tomorrow. I can't even put it to words. I have anxiety thinking about it to be honest. I fucking hate that shit hole, and i wanna just quit. But i have no god damn choice, cuz i have bills to pay. Oh well.... i'm constantly searching for a new job, but it has to pay at least what i make or more, so..... yeah. I'm fucked.
Well, my last day of vacation, and i'm exhausted.... i'm going to lay down. Slight headache from the storm that kicked ass earlier.
Bleh....
M
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